Sunday, September 17, 2023

The Travel Bible

Lists play quite a roll in some of my favorite fiction. Jethro's rules in NCIS, The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, Steve Buscemi's list of people in Billy Madison.

I did a 5 year stretch traveling week-in and week-out (for work).  I don't travel as much for work now but do have chance to take advantage of non-revenue travel on Delta Airlines.  As such I've started to make a note when I learn something (often the hard way).

These are those rules.

Please feel free to argue or suggest your own in the comments.

Travel Bible
  1. All of your credit cards should be setup so that you can use a PIN at an ATM and get a cash advance.   There is usually a small fee for cash advance.
  2. Worst seat mates are noisy.  Bad breath/smelly a close second.
  3. Checking anything, ever, sucks.  Ideal travel is something you can get under the seat.  The less you carry, the fewer the problems.
  4. Put your bags in the overhead slightly ahead and across the aisle from your seat.  Makes things easier on exit and you can see them.
  5. Don't take the first overhead bins in coach.  Folks sitting there have no under seat space.
  6. Take your coat off long before you get to the plane.  No reason to spend that time at your row.
  7. Best coach seats are first row in coach.
  8. Best first class seats are the last row in first class.  No one behind you to kick the seat and mess with the table.
  9. Use the AC vent when present to shield yourself from odor.
  10. The mobile app for your airline is worth it.  Even for a single flight.  Mileage signup is too.
  11. Print your boarding pass ahead of time or get a mobile pass.  Or both.  The 3 minutes it saves is sometimes the key to making a flight.
  12. I think it's ADA rules but the first row in coach is usually open at the 24 hour mark before the flight. 
  13. Going non-stop is worth spending more.
  14. If you check bags take photos of them. Heck, take photos either way.
  15. Odd looking bags (or weird colors) are way easier to spot on a bag carousel (or lost in the bowels of an airport)
  16. C'mon now with the smelly snacks.  Really?
  17. You shouldn't have anything separate from your bag at security that doesn't have to be.  Belt, phone, wallet all in the bag.  Coat too if you can.
  18. Exit row seats tend to be colder than other seats.
  19. Slip off shoes are best for easy ingress through security
  20. Toiletries in an external pocket.
  21. It's not the metal detector, it's the conveyor belt that’s the bottleneck when going through TSA.
  22. When in Asia, put the appropriate characters on your itinerary to aid in communicating with locals.
  23. Cold butter on top of hot food for inflight meal.  Sometimes it's near frozen.
  24. No water bottles when leaving PVG (Shanghai) 
  25. When outside the US, get a GPS app for your phone that doesn't require data.  Download the appropriate areas.  I've typically used "Here We Go".  "Google Maps" and "Apple Maps" can do this too.  "Maps.Me" and "Sygic GPS Navigation" also allow for offline maps.
  26. Use your mobile devices e-reader app for relevant travel books.  Fodor's, Lonely Planet.
  27. If planning to use ride sharing, review (google) airport policy for pickups.  Every airport does it differently.
  28. When in Asia, carry your own toilet paper.  It’s typically not provided in public restrooms.
  29. Poo-pourri actually works.
  30. Ear issues: drink more water, go to the lavatory shortly before landing, ear-planes work, decongestants, anti-inflammatories.  A blocked ear can severely impact a trip.
  31. They make single use insect repellent wipes.
  32. They make travel size laundry detergent.
  33. They make single use sunscreen wipes.
  34. They make dry shampoo in very small sizes, always good to have a backup.
  35. When in a new lodging, bathroom check.  TP, soap and shampoo.  I don’t typically travel with soap and shampoo.
  36. Hotels almost always have basic toiletries, AirBnBs often don't provide shampoo.
  37. Put the deodorant in a separate ziplock bag dumbass.  It will melt in a hot car.
  38. Roma makes amazing travel sandwiches, non-crumbly roll, tough cheese and cured meats (less risk of spoilage).
  39. Take a few small ziplock bags.  Ideal to keep wallets/phones/passports dry.
  40. Front of the plane typically cooler, quieter and better smelling than the back of the plane.
  41. Car insurance is expensive.  More expensive internationally.  Understand what your car insurance/credit cards include inside and outside of the US.
  42. Hotel airport shuttles are a dodgy business.  Pretty common for them to work differently than described online.  Call and politely confirm how they work.  Get a description of the vehicle.
  43. Sometimes the weight limits for check (and carry-on) bags differ from country to country.  This can lead to a mad scramble in a foreign airport on your way home.  Never hurts to check ahead of time.
  44. We all know what "Non-stop" means, "Direct" means the same flight number (regardless of number of stops)
  45. I've taken various colors of paracord and replaced the zipper pulls.  This lets me identify pockets by color and also means my bag is unique looking.
  46. I usually have a few safety pins hanging from zippers on my bag as they come in handy.
  47. I reinforce light bag handles with paracord.  This serves at least two purposes.  It strengthens the handles as well as making the bag look unique.
  48. If you get to the rental car counter and the price is different, they probably changed something and didn’t bother to tell you.  Navigating this in another language can be difficult.  Print outs can help.
  49. Put your passport in a ziplock bag, idiot.
  50. Put a good sized paperclip on your passport.  There's almost always something to keep with your passport when traveling.  Remove the paperclip when handing your passport to an official.
  51. Keep an ink pen handy when traveling international, customs forms typically provided on the plane.
  52. A dark passport holder/folder seems sensible for hiding wear, tear and dirt.  But it's hard to spot on the floor of a dark plane.  Mine is now bright red.
  53. Jet lag is the real deal.  Much worse when flying east than west.  Reason being, getting up X hours later is far easier than getting up X hours early.
  54. Typically the best bet for getting local cash is to hit an ATM when you land at the airport.  Not currency exchange.
  55. If you are renting a car and returning to the same location, go ahead and drop a pin when you are picking the car up.
  56. The collapsible water bottles aren't as durable but still last years and pack down.  Suggest one that has measurements for use in a pinch.
  57. If you can choose, choose an undamaged car.  You can’t get blamed for pre-existing damage if there isn’t pre-existing damage.
  58. Compression Packing Cubes allow for flexibility on planes. Cubes come out easy such that bags can squeeze in overheads and under seats.

  59. Airbnbs are worth more than hotels because kitchens, laundries and refrigerators make trips cheaper.  Carry fewer items.  Eat in more.

  60. It's useful when renting a car, to take a picture of the after-hours return instructions.  More of a concern at smaller airports.

  61. There are several types of multi-tools that are carry-on possible.  Wallet style multi-tools are very slim and most do not have a knife.  

  62. Airtags are great tool for your bag if you're an iPhone user. 

  63. The first flight of the day flies with more empty seats and is less likely to be delayed by weather or previous flights.

  64. They make dry bags designed for laptops.  They aren't even that expensive.  Life saver.

  65. A lot of modern museums have audio tours that you can download and listen to on your phone.  You need headphones to do so though.



Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Boss Groomsman Tips                                              

Some years ago I was involved in 5 weddings in 10 weekends.  This list of rules came out of that experience.  

Most of these are easy.


* It's easier to be the boss when you're local, or at least driving.

Tougher to be the go-to guy if you don't have a car or know your way around.


General Tips:

1. Be early, everything with a wedding takes longer than expected.  Always.

2. Let the couple know that you're there to help, getting married is super stressful.  There's always something they've forgotten to do.  Maybe you can handle it.  Forgotten flowers for mothers, check for the church, there's always something

3. Do you own a nice umbrella?  Or several?  Bring them, at least in the car, to all events.  Golf umbrella probably best.

4. Travel with a basic medicine cabinet.  Advil, Pepto Bismol.

5. A package of bottled water might make you a hero (a legend if cold).

6. Wrinkle releaser spray


Ahead of the wedding:

1. Get contact info for all the groomsmen, and all the rented tuxedos.  Call 'em TeamTuxedo in a group text or something.

2. Volunteer to get folks at the airport.  Particularly TeamTuxedo.

3. When you get setup with your tuxedo, make sure you now how it all goes together.  This preps you to look smooth and be helpful later when others are struggling.  

4. Volunteer to help return tuxedos post wedding.  There's always drama with this. Always.  People flying in, somebody's cousin is a lazy dumbass, whatever.

5. Travel with cash, small bills, singles.  Bartenders, valets need tips.  Look like you've been there.  Some weddings do things with cash, I've seen it thrown at the couple while dancing.  I've seen it pinned to the bride's veil.  You never know what tradition you might get surprised by.


Rehearsal Dinner Night:

1. Don't be on-time to the rehearsal.  Be early, assist in picking up other members of TeamTuxedo and get them there.  When the wedding planner is looking around, you want them to see the full groomsmen crew ready to rock.

2. Have a flask, fill it with something easy going.  Think Basil Hayden, not Wild Turkey.  If you're local, maybe have a traveler for refills.

3. Carry a change of clothes (or several) to be prepped for whatever happens after rehearsal dinner.  Pub, hot tub, chilling in a room, club?

4. If you live near rehearsal dinner location, offer to host informal gathering after.


Wedding Day:

1. Most weddings do photos while the groomsmen are dressing and such these days.  Be early, if they aren't going to provide food and drink, pick something up.  Donuts, sandwiches, something.  Maybe not alcohol.

2. Have your phone charger with you, maybe even have a cord for other types of phones.  If you have one of those battery things, bring it.

3. I don't know why the ushering is so hard.  Be friendly, make small talk.  If someone is by themselves (particularly women) introduce them to someone friendly that you know and have already seated.

4. Carry a comb with you (a clean one, not that nasty one).  

5. Consider carrying some extra pins in case someone has trouble with a boutonniere.  

6. Black electrical tape might solve a small tuxedo problem such that it isn't obvious in the pictures.

7. Have a needle and black thread (maybe a couple black buttons) and know how to sew on a button.  This shit can make you a GD HERO.

8. Consider getting a hotel room if you can afford it.  Especially if you don't live nearby.  Time is always short on wedding days.

9. During the reception, for some reason they always plan dinner for the bride and groom.  They never plan drinks.  Bride and groom are always busy talking to someone and they never get to have a drink.  Get drinks for them.  Check-in every 20 minutes or so.  

10. Consider having a small appropriate towel (or two) if there's to be a lot of dancing, bride and groom will be sweating.  

11. Tip the bartenders, if you can, even if it's an open bar.  You want the bartender to remember you.  (you'll be getting drinks for bride and groom too)

12. *THIS ONE IS A BITCH* at the end of the night, collect the rented tuxedos.  It's a complete pain in the ass, but if possible go through them before you go to bed.  Some dumbass will have left his bowtie in the bathroom or his vest on a chair.  You have their numbers from the group text earlier.  Track that shit down.  

13. Carry with you a change of clothes for whatever might come after reception.  Pub, hot tub, chilling in a room, clubbing?

14. Pack in your car or bag, steamer or iron or both for dealing with wrinkles in ties and shirts.

15. Roll with a nice lint roller.

16. A small tube of super glue can save the day.  Shoe repairs, broken ties and so on.

17. Women wearing fancy dresses and heels need help getting out of cars and dealing with stairs.  Be there.